he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
