I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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