I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize