Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
