i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
