remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
