I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
