There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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