It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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