I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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