Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He better not be in your backpack
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
