I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
