something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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