i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
