I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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