i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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