i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
