i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
