...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
