How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
