Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
