I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
