Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
