so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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