She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
