i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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