Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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