9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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