my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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