guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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