I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
