Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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