Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
