He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
