If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize