**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
