Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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