My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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