I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize