She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
