So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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