This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
