there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
