he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
