are you still at the devil's house?
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
