i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
