I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
