ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?