I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize