Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?