In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
