I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My life is pants optional.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
