he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
