So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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