A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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