Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
