listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
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