May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
