I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
