How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
