I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
