he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
