I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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