I cannot find my penis.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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