Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
