WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
