A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
