RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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