JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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