lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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