margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
