I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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