can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
