I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
