Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
