But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
