I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
