My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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