I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
