This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
